One of our members lost his daughter this week to heroin. He wanted to share a passage out of her diary with the rest of us, and here.
First I'll share it written in her hand, and following that is the text that I've written out also.
I'm writing this letter to say goodbye. I remember when we first met. I was 19. I never suspected how bad you would be for me or the devastation our future would hold. I was blinded by your beauty. You took me into your arms and enveloped me in numbness and warmth. I was floating, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. I thought that I could control you, but soon you came to control me. The first year was good but the second summer you started to take me over.
I gave myself to you completely, almost reveling in the darkness and destruction. Indulging in the lovely ritual, the drug, the prick, the way the blood dances and swirls with you. I was completely ready to die for you. It was sad and terrible - beautiful oblivion.
I have done everything for you, given you everything and all you did was take. I have lied, cheated, manipulated and stolen. I have caused my family and friends unimaginable pain and ruined our relationships. I have lost jobs, wreaked cars, ruined my college education and put myself in many dangerous situations. I have spent 2 years of my life incarcerated because of you. I've been homeless, robbed, and raped. I have wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars. I've degraded myself and sold my body. I hardly know who I am anymore. I am so detached from myself and life. I feel lost. And I am finally ready to say enough. I am through with all the pain, bullshit and degradation. It was fun at first, but mostly it was just horrible. So it's time to say goodbye. It's been real but it's over. You will no longer have control over me.
I am taking back my life.
Her father also would like to also share this out of her dairy. I'd have to agree with Erin. The only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.